Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he fucked my hip out of place.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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