have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize