Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
