I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you win again, gameday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
