You just made me feel so damn special
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
