the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
