Quick, to the slutcave!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
