Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize