Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
