I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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