If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
