Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please come you make the beer taste better
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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