.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
