I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize