guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize