dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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