Pappa wants mamma naked
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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