dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
