So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
