He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
