Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
