you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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