i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
