sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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