I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
