Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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