is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
