Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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