you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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