Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
