I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
