I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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