God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
