dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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