I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
