people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
