i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
