i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
home. puking in laundry basket.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize