i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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