Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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