you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
did you just send me my own nude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
