Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
