I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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