I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
