I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
