the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
