The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
