He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
