Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
