I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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