Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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