They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
FUCK WHALES
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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