Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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