Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
