My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
