I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
