tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize