wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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