Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
