john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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