They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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